Almost 24 hours a day, I am thinking about the fusion. About how I've made my mind up to do it and all the reasons why. I should write them down, then I wouldn't have to keep thinking about it.
My wonderful speech pathologist whom I saw and learned from for six months post injury, told me that brain-injured people "loop" things and when you write them down, you will not loop things anymore because you are not so afraid you will forget them.
But I remembered this morning something my sister told me that Dr. Milhorat said right after my surgery. He and Dr. B came out and told her how things had gone, the difficulty of the tethered cord surgery, but Dr. M spoke with confidence to my sister, saying that although my skull had fused itself in the wrong position onto the top of my spine (C1), the fusion (extraction) would "correct that a lot" and the surgery would be a really great benefit to me.
I need to remember things like this so that I can "flip them up" into my remembrance when I feel shaky in my confidence. It's a big thing for me to board that plane alone and go back to NY and face an even bigger surgery and also think of coming home with a halo on. I can do it...I just have to keep these positives in mind.