Another step on the slow, long road...
Yesterday, I received in the mail the authorization to visit my neurosurgeon in Portland, Oregon, at OHSU. The next step is to get an appointment there, and "cowboy up" and go see him. I suspect he will first order new imaging, since the last imaging I had there is now over 1.5 years old. After those are done, then I expect to go see the good doctor. At least that is the way I remember it went before, over a few months in early 2010.
I've tried to explain for the reader my feelings about surgery. How I realize now that I have been afraid of surgery, and without knowing that, I've avoided it. The other thing that happens is my mind wavers hot and cold about surgery. I can't seem to keep it on one track. One moment, I am sure 100% of the reasons I need surgery and I want to go in right that moment.
However, another day, I think about not taking any risks and about going with the evil I know, ie no surgery.
I have come to also realize that a person can have constant central pain and pretty much get used to it. Unless I'm late taking the pain meds...or the pain is worse than even it is normally. But...my observance is that a person can become accustomed to Pain.
So, today, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Usually, my pain meds run out at different times in the month and it seems like I'm going once a week to pick up a refill. But, this month, they all fell on the same time of needing refilling, so there I was, picking up six bottles of pills. The young man at the pharmacy joked with me, saying, "I have to give you the BIG bag for all your meds!"
As I checked out in the front with something else I'd bought, the girl noticed my neck brace and asked, "Oh, dear, you hurt your neck! What happened?"
I am SO used to hearing this from strangers. Every time I go to town, in fact. So, to her, I answered, "Oh, I just broke it a long time ago. I've been thinking of going for surgery though."
And this girl said, "You mean with screws and wire?"
and that was an unusual question she asked, not one I'm used to hearing, so I looked at her more closely, smiled and said, "Yes!"
She said, "I think you'd be a lot safer."
Why would she say that? She knew no details of my situation. Why would she say something so knowledgeable and personal?
I believe that there are angels around us, and God uses them to give messages to us.
In the Bible, there are several examples of strange ways God gave messages to His people. A prophet once picked up the jawbone of an ass and it spoke and delivered the prophecy to the people. The Bible also tells us, "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever." God is the same God as He was back then.
I smiled at this young lady and sort of said, "Wow." Then I told her how much that meant to me. She said, "I don't know why, it's just what came to my mind."
Safer...that word means a lot to me because I heard my son say this to me once, and I never could forget it.
It was about four years ago, and I was ready to go for the fusion surgery, the very one I am still seeking, and I was talking on the phone to my son. He said that he felt I should get the fusion because it would make me safer were I to experience a car accident. It made a lot of common sense to me.
As the reader knows, I never did get that fusion due to some political stuff going on at the hospital. I've left all of that behind now. But it does seem like warnings about car accidents have been sent to me upon several occasions.
Dr. Bolognese in NY told me once that I would die if I were in an MVA (motor vehicle accident) and had not had the fusion.
My son told me he felt I'd be safer in the case of a MVA.
The neurosurgeon in Portland wrote in his report to my primary care doctor that there is a "risk of catastrophic failure of the C1 in the event of a car accident."
Hmmm. I wear the neck brace almost always while in a vehicle. But it is not something I worry about.
I've again been in the throes of inner debate about a surgery and this sweet checker at Rite Aid told me out of the blue that I'd be safer if I got the fusion surgery.
it might be coincidence. But I've been asking God to tell me more directly if I am supposed to get the surgery. And then this woman said such a simple, yet strange, response to my mentioning surgery.
It feels good to me. I'm going to chew on it for awhile, but right now, those words have made me feel more confident about getting the appointment in Portland.
I'll keep you posted.