Wednesday, July 23, 2008


I've had lots of thoughts I've encountered over the last few days that I've wanted to write down. Didn't take notes so won't remember them now. If forgotten, perhaps they were not that profound anyway.

I just finished my lunch, sitting at the little table out back under the canvas gazebo. A turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato and mayo, washed down with half an amber O' Doul's in a frosty glass. It's 60 degrees out and a cool wind blowing. As I ate, I deliciously read further in the novel, Cold Mountain. It's not a happy tale, but the writing is juicy in the author's choice of words, poetic in places. Thought provoking.

Once finished my lunch and reaching a good stopping place in the book, I stood up and crossed a few bare-foot steps to the fruitful raspberry bushes in the raised bed, and sensually enjoyed my dessert: plump, ripe berries.

And all the while thinkin'. Thinkin' on how there are lots of ways to look at a thing. This philosophical journey started back when a gal at the physical therapy asked me what happened to me, as I sat in their office with my CTO vest on. When I finished telling her, she looked down at her work on her desk and dismissively stated, "It coulda been worse."

I felt cut-off and dismissed alright. And I've thought some on it. Lots of thinkin' can come from a little comment like that. I know it "coulda been worse." I know that better than anyone. I remember telling my story to an old cowboy once and I tagged on at the end of the telling, "It coulda been worse." And he laughed and said, "Yeah, but it coulda been a whole lot better, too!"

Then, I was sharing with my sister something I don't like to voice and choose not to do so most of the time. Perhaps all of the time except today. That I kinda got cheated out of about 30 years. That my mother and the neighbor next door, both 83, can do more than I can right now. They can still drive. I have 30 or 40 years ahead of me of not driving a car, not packing up and heading out when and where I want to.

My sister truthfully wrote back that another way to look at it is that I packed a whole lot of living into my years and followed my dreams and did a lot of stuff that most people will never do.

And that is true.

So, I've concluded that there are a lot of ways to look at a thing and they are each truth in their own right, even if they seem contradictory. One doesn't cancel the other one out.

And yes, it behooves us to choose the most positive outlook (and this is better for those we are talking to), but it's still okay to look at it like it is, the good and the bad. Because it just is. That is the truth of the matter. A thing can be both good and bad and the truth is, both co-exist and it's okay to look at both and even, once in awhile to someone trusted, voice both. '

Cause, it's the truth and that is what you live with every day. You can sugar-coat it sometimes and you can see the dark part of it sometimes, too.

'Cause you earned that right just goin' through it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

V, Thanks for sharing this entry. SO insightful and true. You voiced so eloquently what I often feel. I pray you're doing well. Be blessed my friend, Kim (kiminfla)