Tuesday, March 24, 2009

one more thing for the list...

This may sound strange and morbid, but so be it.

I feel a need to write a love letter to my husband of 36 years before I leave, in the event that I do not come back.

We all know that surgeries are risky and these guys will be drilling near and stretching my brainstem. My neck could break again when they do the traction, or my skull break loose from my spine (because it did that originally in the surgery....I don't want to worry anyone reading here who is about to go for the ICT...these things do not happen to those without broken necks. But I was told last time that my neck breaking "could" happen. )

Anyway, we just don't know, and the words that I'd say standing in airport getting ready to go through security would never be enough to express all the love I have for this wonderful man.

I want to write a letter to my son, too. Then, I'll let my sister know where they are hidden, just in case.

I don't feel any premonitions, or I wouldn't go. In my mind, I am returning home and doing remarkably well. Lots of years left.

But, it just is something that feel important for me to do.

And just part of the story.


zoe said...

A sobering thought V, but a wise one~ we never know what's around the corner.

And just so you know that you know that you know, I love you* I love your spirit, and your humor, your mothering love, and your sisterly encouragement. I love your writing, I love your wisdom, I love your friendship. You are, and always will be an inspiration to me*

My prayers go with you*
Somewhere over the rainbow,

Anonymous said...

I came upon your blog by searching for a 3D Bone Scan which I am in need of. I want to wish you lots of luck and you will be in my prayers tonight. I just read in the Bible yesterday that God can do what humans can not...in other words, God can do the impossible (or extremely challenging). Take courage and know that your faith will guide you through this surgery with miraculous results. I will be having a revision surgery on my pelvis which terrifies me and I hope it gets done right this time so I need some prayers too if you remember me. BTW, can you please post where that 3D bone scan was taken? Thanks!

One Sick Mother said...

It doesn't sound weird and morbid. It sounds sensible and prepared.

Kiminfla said...

I think it's a wonderful idea. But I wouldn't tell your sister where they're hidden -- I don't think you should hide them at all. I think you should give them to them NOW! I think of all the lessons having CM has taught me, it's that we should treasure each day. Treasure it now and let them know NOW how much they really mean to you. I'm sure you tell them often and I'm sure they know. But, I don't think there's anyone who could hear it often enough.

Which prompts me to say...I love and care about YOU! Be blessed my friend, Kim

By His Grace said...

Kim, your comment caused tears to form. You are right, it IS so important to express our love to those who fill our hearts. And yep, I do express this all the time...but of course, there are things I'd like to write that would go deeper into my feelings. But...I don't want to cause them to fear, either....so I'm going to pray on that one! Or maybe, give it to them when I get back!

I do feel confident about this all. I wouldn't go into it if I didn't. I feel such a peace...I think I should blog about it...

Kim, thanks so much for reading and commenting and for your faithfulness. Our God is so wonderful to have brought us together, you are an inspiration to me, as well! Love you, too!

Anonymous, thank you so much for reading and posting!! And for your prayers, what a blessing they are to my heart. I will add you to my list of dear ones needing prayer...and try to stop by and let me know how the surgery goes.

The 3D CT was done at Manhasset Diagnostics at Manhasset, NY (eastern Long Island). I fly, as you know from reading, to NY for my surgery, and the place where I am treated, they trust this imaging place to be done right. I think those 3Ds are incredible!!

If you blog, please leave your blog addy, I'd love to read it.

Zoe, your post also caused me to mist up! In all that you have been through, you have always stood strong for God and Jesus. You are an incredible example of the truth in the Gospel: anyone else would turn from Him unless they were empowered by the Holy Spirit! Like Job, you accept trial and suffering on top of each other. I continue to pray for you, for tides to turn!! I saw a rainbow yesterday and thought of you! Love you, too!