I'd thought perhaps the little yearling who rests on the hill behind our house and which can be seen out my guest room window (where I spend much of each day) was the same deer that was struck and killed by a truck down by our mailbox on the road. But yesterday, she was back. So good to see her munching acorns again up under the naked oaks.
I went to see my new neurosurgeon (NSG) on Wednesday. I have been feeling the worst I've felt in a long time, apparently due to the trip to California a couple of weeks ago to see our son. The pain and weakness is so consuming and the oxycodone doesn't always touch it. All I can do is lie in bed and listen to the radio and sleep. Even reading a book, now, seems too much physical work.
Wednesday, the new doctor visit was very emotional for me. It seems at times that NSGs do not always have the best, bedside manner. This one was not the worst I've seen, but to me, it seemed he was brusque, he interrupted me and didn't seem to listen too well or to care a whole lot. I became very emotional with lots of tears running down my cheeks and my nose running. I could not help it!
I wanted to be stoic and strong and speak with him on some semblance of the same intellectual level, but all I could do was sob. This seems to be a long term effect from the post-concussion syndrome I have. I hate it. I am so out of control and I know people are looking at me and making judgments but there is nothing I can do about it.
"New NSG" said that there was nothing surgically he could do for me. I did feel very brushed off, because I know it will take longer than 45 minutes (the time I spent with him) to figure this out. I thought he was giving up on me already, and since I've experienced that a few times already, I reacted as I did.
In the end, the NSG said he'd have his colleagues also look at my imaging. He sent me downstairs for a set of cervical flexion and extension xrays and I am set up for a follow up appointment for Dec. 9.
On Thursday, I was back to feeling so badly, I couldn't move from bed. I just can't describe this pain, wish I could have to the doctor.
On Friday, I tried not drinking coffee, thinking perhaps the caffeine was affecting intracranial pressure and I, in fact, did feel better yesterday. But today, it all came sweeping back again.
Yesterday, the NSG's office called and said he wanted me to be set up for a new lumbar MRI and a "SPECT" scan of the Cspine. I've set those up for Dec. 2, again at OHSU in Portland. I never had heard of a SPECT scan so I looked that up. It's a form of nuclear testing where the patient is injected with some form of chemical and in two and a half hours, an MRI is done. It is supposed to afford a deeper look at things, and I am so hopeful that it does.
Of course, this made me feel much better about new NSG. If I could only have a doctor who WOULD look deeper and would take me on and try to figure out the source of these problems and pain, oh what a gift that would be!