Thursday, February 26, 2009

Oh that hit me hard!

Yesterday, the mail brought something unexpected.

At the very end of January, an event is held each year in Elko, Nevada: the National Cowboy Poetry Gathering. I have performed there 13 times (I think) since 1990. Cowboy and ranching friends come from all over the West each year, and it truly is a reunion of comfortable compadres of the "cowboy tribe."

This year celebrated the 25th anniversary. I was asked to come, but my health would never allow such a thing. I had to decline, suggest someone else in my place (which gladdened my heart to do so).

I didn't think I minded so much not going. It was okay. That is a part of my life that is gone, has ended. It's okay.

'Til yesterday. And I unfurled the large poster from the event, sent to me by the presenters. Signed by most of the performers there this year. Many with private and personal messages that caused tears to rain down upon the felt-pen-ink.

With towel in hand to daub at the watery blotches, my tears came profusely, I felt so loved. I read over and over how much I had been missed. The wall that I had built up between my feelings about not being able to do this performance art that had once been such a big part of my life, between those feelings and the outside world, came crumbling down in shambles of shattered stone and faulty mortar.

My nose ran and my eyes ran, and I choked up and read and read over and over all the notes written, and the faces of the ones who held the pen came into my remembrance and I imagined them leaning over the table, signing poster after poster (I've done this each year I went, as well. Posters are given to contributors to the event, supporters, etc) ad nauseum, and then came one with a note that it was to me, that (I suppose it said) my health was not so good.

It's featured on my office wall now...what a great painting by cowboy artist William Matthews, the bit on the vacquero horse is exactly like the one we have, attached to a bridle and hanging from a hook on one of our walls.

It meant alot. And still does.

1 comment:

InHisGrace711 said...

Good morning sweety. Everytime I come to read your site that song starts to play and it always gets me. It is such a beautiful song. I still have not figured out how to put my playlist on my blog. Still playing around with it.

What a blessing this day must have been for you and yet I can only imagine the pain in your heart as well that you could not attend. Wouldn't it be a miracle if after your fusion you could accept the invitation to go back? You Know, through God, ANYTHING is possible. That is my prayer for you. Your story, your testimony is one that is incredibly amazing already. Full of faithfullness and love for Christ. Youhave the ability to reach so many people with your writings right now and so many lives that have already been affected by your gift of words. God is using you sweety in such a mighty way. What an honor. Just in the couple of years that I have known you (actually one year this month) you have impacted my life so much. My faith has grown through your faith, actions and especially your friendship. I a yet, but just one person.

I am always here for you dear sister. Love you, Joleen