Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Monday morning, 8:20 am

April 20, six days before leaving for New York, the phone rang.

I was still asleep and the phone woke me up, as well as my husband telling me to take the call.

"Who is it?" I asked. I didn't want to talk to anybody! Not before my first cup of coffee!

"A woman's voice, a nurse or something."

It was the surgical coordinator at TCI. My surgery for April 28 was off. Due to "unforeseen circumstances."

Shocked....I stumbled through the decision of when to have the surgery rescheduled, and we decided on June 4.

Since then, I learned that it's a family emergency for Dr. B that caused the cancellation of all surgeries at TCI that involved him and Dr. M.

I cried so hard. I don't know why I couldn't just accept what had happened. I have faith things will work out for the best. I've lived that way for a long, long time. I think it's the brain injury...the need for things to be routine and the "known."

I felt like I was just getting most of what I needed to get done...well, done! And now I'd have to backtrack, cancel flights and hotel reservations and also talk to my caregivers and see how this affected them...AND THEN go back and choreograph the whole thing again! It seemed insurmountable.

Took me a whole day to get through the depression that resulted from that tender "button" that had been pushed by the news of cancelled surgery. Seems silly to me now.

I've talked about this before because I've been in this situation before, though not to the point of having a scheduled surgery cancelled. But I've been where Dr. B told me to wait 18 months for fusion and dealing with that let-down....I went through that 18 months of bone-enhancing drug therapy and then had the infamous bone scan (the one that told me in error that my bones were significantly worse) and that dismay that I'd probably never have the fusion ever.

Then, on Monday, it felt like deja vu all over again. Would I ever get this fusion? Will I?

So, I've written before how I have to build myself up and tell myself over and over how much better my life will be after this fusion....why I need to have it much less pain I'll little carrots thrown out in front of me on the trail, keeping me putting one foot in front of the other toward the goal of this surgery....a tough, "not for the faint of heart" operation.

So, after having those inner cheerleaders rah-rah'ing their routines day in and day out, the sound of a secretary 3000 miles away telling you, "Uh, not next week!" just opened the gate and seated me on that roller coaster again, the one that rides up and down and swerves from side to side, climbs and struggles along the cogs as it inches up a hill, then scarily drops the bottom out from under you as you swing your arms in the air and scream!

Today, I'm all better. The weather has been great, the daffodils are blooming, the tulips also.
Golden forsythia at the end of the house blazes in glory; leaves are sprouting forth on the berry vines...and there's a lot I can do in the yard, puttering around, and now, I have 45 more days to get it all done and ready for the time I can't do much.

Others had it tougher. I know of at least two people who were actually there in NY, had had their pre surgical testing done and then got the call the night before, that their surgeries were also cancelled. I had it much easier.

Hang in there with me, folks, I might just get this surgery done yet!


One Sick Mother said...

oh NO! I was just thinking of you today, as I fed Margot's rose, and now I come in and see another let-down for you.

...and for me.

I am amazed you recovered so quickly. I would have been a mess for quite some time.

(((hugs))) dear friend. I am sure, as events unfold, there will be a good reason why June is better than March.

Janice said...

Hi Virginia,
I am so sorry that you have to wait.Thank Heaven that you were not already in New York. Just the traveling is so tiresome. I hope your help will be able to rearrange their schedules,too.
I hope this fibrous union of C1 wil be stable. I keep thinking of you. I did not produce bone at the fracture site. The doctor said that if I was going to produce bone it would have already happened and he was not sure what the problem was. I told him that I had learned that thier was some thinking that bisphosphonates cause problems with initial fracture healing. He said that that was not conclusive.
I will be praying for your good recovery from your surgery . I want you to be freee of pain and able to be ouside doing things to feed your soul and essence. I see you have a wonderful connection to the earth through your appreciation of plants. I always go sit by my little flour bed.
I have a coon who is not afraid of humans. He was going through the compost pile getting grubs and worms while I was feeding the horses yesterday afternoon.My boyfriendis having a fit. I guess I will trap him and get animal control to take him.

Did you see anything about all the polo horses that died just before a match? The compounding pharmacy in Ocala has owned up to the fact that they did an incorrect mixing of a drug not approved for the US. Alot of people are going to be ion trouble.
Did you go through a stage like this with your fracture?

Love and prayers,

jANICE said...

Hi Virginia,
I think it is a flower bed. My kitchen looks like a flour bed when I make bread or pie crust.

Hannah said...


My names Hannah, I'm also a patient at TCI and am always looking out to meet others who also go there. I've been exactly where you are right now, only I was IN the operating room when the surgery was canceled. You just feel numb and achey inside and want to scream...and i'm back in that situation right now waiting 7 months for my tethered cord surgery.

I've had the surgery you're facing and yes it's a big one but if you've lived in the pain that requires this surgery I promise you'll get through it just fine(:
If you have any last minute questions or later after the surgery feel free to email me or leave a comment on my caringbridge, i'll always answer(:

My prayers are with you for this surgery and all of your journey.