I must apologize for not posting here in so long. I know I have many followers here who check often to see what is going on, and when I do not post, they think the worst. I appreciate that!
This will be short. I wrote a long blog update on Microsoft Works, intending to use "copy paste" to put it all here. However, in the last few days, and several times tonight, something is wrong with my system or something. When I hit "paste"...internet explorer shuts down.
So, briefly, I'm here.....we went to Alaska and had an incredible time. Even had a close encounter (safe kind) with a grizzly bear! I hope to write more about it later.
I am not going to Bethesda, MD, as it turns out. When I got home from AK, I checked my messages and there was one from the Bethesda doctor telling me, a week before my trip, to cancel my trip, he doesn't see anything on my imaging that shows anything he can surgically do for me.
I cried hard that night. I was so shocked. I had made the appt six weeks before! A dear friend in Maine had purchased tickets for herself and her husband to be there to help me get around. I felt hopeless, and lost all faith in the medical system. I was angry too. And yes, I asked God, "Why?" Why have me make these appointments only to be let down like this?
I questioned, to myself, why did this happen, why did the surgeon say he saw something in my imaging that made him want to see me, only to, a week before my trip, call and tell me he was cancelling my appt? I could only believe that something happened that had nothing to do with my imaging or what could be done for me...something happened to where he did not want me for a patient.
So, I know many of you are writing to me, wishing me well on my trip, but it happens I'm not going. At this point, I'm without a doctor in terms of a neurosurgeon. And mentally, I'm at the point where I'm going to just live with what I have, if it all continues to decline, I have to accept that this is my lot in life.
Of course, I might change my mind later, I might decide I need to see a surgeon, but in order to carry on, to pick myself up and dust myself off, I need to think that I'm just going to stay home and deal with what I have the best way I can. That there just isn't a "fix" for me. Short of a miracle.
So, good night and I hope I can get back on here soon. I think often of posts I want to make, of beautiful things I get to enjoy out the window. I want to share about Alaska, it is completely "as advertised!"
If I owe you an email, I'm sorry. I think of each of you all the time, truly I do. But answering emails seems continue to be difficult. But I'll try.
love to you
"By His Grace"