Monday, September 14, 2009

Primal Voice

This morning, I woke up weak and sorta okay, but as usual, about five minutess of being up (and the weight of my head going all upon my spine and nerves etc), I got hit bad.

I had not done anything which caused this. In fact, believe it or not, I have not been out of the yard, not even across the street to get the mail, since I got home last Tuesday!

I wrote these things in the midst of that pain:

"There's something profoundly wrong. There's a lesion somewhere that no one is seeing. I'm no expert, just living in this body. Something is WRONG from the spinal cord. The pain is so profound--this morning---like being in a microwave [oven].

I hurt so terribly-- I need help. I need help. I need a truly excellent devoted doctor to look deeply-- maybe surgery is not the answer, but something is wrong. Somehow I got mixed up in politics [with neurosurgeons]. I've fought hard for myself for five years and no one else but me. I'm to the point of pain and weakness now, I wish I had a true advocate.

I don't have strength and in too much pain to fight anymore. Some mornings worse than others, this morning BAD and I feel exactly as bad as I did right out of the Tethered Cord surgery, which shows me it's spinal cord because the TC surgery was messing with the cord. When I yawn, piercing pain to right ear. Have to have fan 6" from my mouth when I go to bed [in order to keep breathing]'s not the oxycodone, I'm on such low dose.

They say pain is truly hard to remember. If it were not so, there would be no second children born!

I include this, just to remind myself of what I was feeling.

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