Today, I felt pretty darn good. There's so much more to feeling good than feeling good. Did I confuse you yet? What I mean is, when I feel good, it means more than just "in the moment." It means I "can" still feel good. It means I can still have some days when my legs are not weak and painful. It means I "can" have some energy to do a little bit. Just a little, but at least a little.
I've felt so guilty for not calling my mother (which I had not done because I feel rotten). So, I did that and feel good getting that checked off my list. I have not called our son since he emailed me that he's getting married. NOW, you know how crappy I've felt! I tried calling him today, but had to leave a message.
I needed to take Quincy to town, one mile away, to get his yearly vaccinations. I felt good enough, so I suggested to my husband that I drive myself and dog the one mile into town. He said great. So, I did.
Folks, I hadn't driven in a year and I did great. I hate to admit it, but I drove down there without my collar because I knew at the end of the drive, I had to look left for traffic. And I wouldn't be able to do it with the collar on. Okay, I'm paying for it tonight, big time. Percocet AND Norco. Deep stabs of pain occipitally. I won't drive much anymore, but it felt good to have tried. And to have done well. Another one of my main problems with driving is the looking left and right at stop signs, etc. This makes me quite dizzy.
Lastly, I have this symptom that is concerning me. I've lived with it almost four years so it's not something I'm really worried about, except that it has added something to the mix that did catch my attention.
Since my injury, I've had this "bump, bump" in the center of my chest. Back about 3 and a half years ago, I went thru all the cardio tests and I was found to be mostly fine. I knew that. I have a good heart!
But, the bump, bump continues, usually about twice a day. It's a hard bump. Not a flutter or racing. The best way to describe it (sorry) is "bump, bump" with sometimes a third bump.
I've figured it must be my diaphragm. Dr. B told me that I have brainstem compression, and I know my OR report says that my brainstem was (or, is?) elongated 53.3 mm. And I know the medulla oblongata (brainstem) controls all autonomic systems, including breathing and the diaphragm.
However, sitting at the computer today, I felt the mid-chest bump, bump, and then noticed a narrowing of my vision, while my vision turned blurry and dark. This only lasted a few seconds, but was attention-getting, to say the least! I had the feeling that I might have passed out if whatever was going on lasted any longer.
I've posted on my online support group this question, maybe I will get some feedback.
Oh, good news is I've scheduled my follow-up appointment with Dr. B at TCI in NY for May 2. So, I will be able to ask him these questions. My sister again plans to join me there (she lives in NH) and that will be such a help!
Tomorrow, I'm calling my son!
Goodnight, my gentle readers.
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