Thursday, March 13, 2008

silly musings on cervical braces

So, last night, I got to thinking of the other, real-life, euphemistic names for rigid braces and collars.

Aspen (Ah, swooshing down the mountains on four inches of powder, cutting Z's through fresh snow! Look out for that tree! Ohhhh, that's what that collar is for!)

Philadelphia (Freedom? Sorry, Elton, but cinched up tight in a CTO vest or collar, freedom is not the first word that comes to mind!)

Minerva ( A Roman goddess of warriors, poetry, medicine, wisdom, commerce, crafts and the inventor of music. Did I mention she was a virgin goddess? One look at the Minerva brace above and we know why!)
Halo (Ah, heavenly, floating around on a fluffy cloud, playing a harp, ignoring the pain and infection from the four pins
biting through your scalp and into your skull)
SOMI Brace (Sternal Occipital Mandibular Immobilizer) (Say THAT three times fast while your jaw is shoved up in the air!
One note about rigid cervical braces: when you talk, only the top half of your jaw can move...the bottom half cannot move downward due to the bracing of the collar. Reminds me of when I was a kid, lying upside on the bed, making my sister roll with laughter as I talked with pencilled-in eyes and nose on my chin!
And I've already discussed MARLIN and MALIBU.
I guess these nice-sounding names are better than titling them with names that describe how they feel. If they did that, rigid cervical braces would be named The Beartrap, The Dickie from Hell, The Chastity Vest, The Jaw Crusher...
All with a 100% Guarantee to bring stares from the general public, cause small children to cry and create heat rashes and localized itching!
All kidding aside, when I put on my revamped Aspen, security sets in and at least for a while,
it's comfortable and stabilizing.


Zoe said...

Hi V~
Good to see you blogging again. I was wondering if it wasn't a difficult time for you since you were quiet and am so glad you're feeling up to a few things!!

The braces do cause the "Oh my gosh, look at her" thing~ I've gotten used to it too") I'm glad you didn't call it a 'collar'- too many connotations implied:P

Congrats on your son's plans!

invisibleglue said...

I got such a chuckle out of those. I don't post often to my blog but always take time to visit yours and enjoy your outlook on things