Monday, January 21, 2008

Trudging along...

It's been a week since I've posted anything here. I just have been going through some days where I've not had the energy to write or think much...and I've therefore not felt very inspired. And sometimes, I really get sick of writing about my health!

One day last week, I felt good enough on a nice day to walk the dog across the road. We were gone 15 minutes, but I really suffered from that activity. We went to town a few times (I haven't driven since last February when I started wearing an Aspen collar or a CTO vest in the truck. I miss it so much and really do want to get back into driving, but also question whether my weak legs would be able to negotiate the brake and clutch) and each time, I was overcome with such painful exhaustion.

I keep reminding myself that this is good.

Yes, good! Because I know without a doubt I need to go get the fusion surgery done. The way things are going is just not acceptable.

Our neighbors stopped by the other day and the wife seemed to be questioning me on whether I really needed to return for the 2nd surgery. I told them, "I am 55 years old. I perhaps have 30 more years. If I have to suffer for one year in order to have a quality 29, then the trade-off is worth it. Not only worth it, but necessary. I want some semblance of a life again. I want to go see a play in town, or travel south to see our son. Go hiking or out on our little fishing boat."

One day, we stopped to visit some folks in town who own and operate a farm business. The wife asked me what I do all day, if I can't work. It was hard for me to explain and I gave up quickly. I keep very busy all day at home, though often I stop and lie down, read some or nap. But there are a lot of little things I can do which take up the hours in a day and make time pass quickly enough.

So, you see, my days don't seem worth writing about right now, unless it's to mention I changed the empty roll of toilet paper! But I'm doing okay, and my attitude and emotional status are good. I thank God for that!

I am reading "The Last Jihad." It was written in 2002, a fictional book which takes place in 2011. Even though the unintended prophecy in the book will not be fulfilled completely (I know this because of events that have taken place since the writing), it's still a fun and interesting read. I also have the sequel to this book, called "The Last Days."

Yesterday, my husband installed a new toilet in our house. I told you our lives are very avant garde and exciting! I was helping by handing him screwdrivers and getting him other tools as needed. It took about an hour and there were times when things didn't go precisely right and a certain amount of prerequisite cussing occurred. My central nervous system went into a tail spine from standing up that long...feeling a tad bit tense...keeping up the focus in order to hand the correct tools, etc. I started feeling that painful, electrical tingling down deep inside and I became very weak. The back of my head/top of my neck started with stabbing pains and my hands started that flu-like feeling. It frustrates me that I can't even do something so simple...yet again, I tell myself, this is good. Because of these things happening, I have no doubt what I must do.

So, I'm waiting for the bone density scan on Jan. 30 and then the appointment with my hematologist/oncologist. THEN, hopefully, I can schedule my fusion, which I am guessing at that point will put the surgery at about mid-March.

I feel that my neck instability is worse since the detethering, but that doesn't phase me because I knew all along the tethered cord surgery was stage one of a two part surgical plan.

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