Sunday, May 18, 2008 can do!

In my mind, it had been so long since I'd posted here. I felt so remiss about not being better at updates. But as I came here to post, I see the last date I wrote was just last Thursday. Not that long ago. I guess it feels like a lot has gone on.

My husband had his foot surgery on Friday. The hospital is 2.5 hours of mostly freeway from where we live, and both of our vehicles are standard shift. Husband's surgeon said no driving a stickshift for four weeks.

How to get him home? I simply don't drive anymore. I did drive into town a couple of months ago (town is one mile away and a very, very small town!). As I considered how to get my husband home from surgery, I figured I could drive if I had to. I could cowboy up and get 'r done.

And part of me wondered if I'd maybe gotten lazy or more dependent on him driving me around than was necessary. I figured I'd learn something if I went ahead and drove.

Firstly, it hurts like hell to turn my head to look up streets for oncoming traffic. And not only does it hurt, but there is the sensation that things deep are being compressed and making me nauseous and dizzy.

Outfitted in my neck brace, I can't turn and look at my blind spot anymore. So, as we drove east on the freeway in the midst of a whole herd of big rigs, I depended upon my mirrors to make decisions on whether to change lanes or not. This is very hard for me to do, I realise now. In order to make that judgment, I look in the rearview, then I look in the panoramic rearview above it because that WILL show any cars in my blind spot...then I look back in the regular rearview...then I look in the outside mirror and then one last check of the rearview, and all the time, processing, I missing anything? Is it clear?

I can honestly say that not once did Dr. B's words ring in my memory: "Avoid a motor vehicle accident at all costs. Your C1 could slice through your spinal cord." I was too occupied with other things.

My arms felt "neuro" and achy and were weak on the steering wheel. I could tell that pushing the clutch and brake and accelerator were firing up every nerve in my Tethered Cord surgical area. Nothing about this felt right at all.

But , hey, all of my life, I knew how to push past pain and fear and weakness and fatigue. This was nothing new...and this was something I HAD to do. But about ten miles away from home, I heard my husband yell and felt his hand on the steering wheel. "Wake Up!"

My eyes flew open to see us heading for the guard rail where on the other side was a steep downslope into a canyon. It seemed to come out of nowhere, like a "black out." My hands were firmly grasping the steering wheel, my head wasn't nodding, but I was out for a nano-second.

Thankfully, my husband had been awake even though he'd been under general anesthesia just earlier that day! Thank You, Jesus!

We made it home and I vowed never to drive any distance again. Unless things change for me after the fusion I hope to someday have.

Now, we are home, but still, I need to drive into town to get groceries and such. I went on Saturday and have been suffering so much. Turning the head even though I park in places that allow me not to need to look over my shoulder (an impossibility) to back out is something that throws my whole system out of whack. Pushing the pedals likewise.

He has to go back for his post op appointment on Tuesday. We are taking the Senior van. No if's, and's or but's!

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