Monday, October 29, 2007

Not worth the space I'm takin' up!

That's how I felt today. I don't know why it hit me so hard today, but probably because I spent a careful 45 minutes yesterday doing a few outdoor things. Very low key. But last night, had two episodes of burning, painful calves waking me up to go to the bathroom.

Then today, what I can only describe as an effort to stay alive. It's brainstem stuff, some of my readers know what I'm talking about. My heart jumped around, inconsistent...breathing seemed like something I had to keep after myself. Diaphragm seeming to do calisthenics in my lower chest. Swallowing muscles were lazy, not moving food down very well. Yes, the back of my head and neck hurt, but not agonizingly so. I laid down often and just felt like I was takin' up useful air someone else should be using!

My husband and I can see that the fusion surgery needs to be happening soon. I'm getting worse. But first, the Tethered Cord surgery.

Right now, the scalp on my head has burning, zinging pressure. Today, my feet were painful and yet numb somehow, and my palms were the same.

I am confident tomorrow will be better.


Zipperhead said...

Prayers for you my friend.

By His Grace said...

Thanks ZH...but...aren't you supposed to be back east getting surgery tomorrow? My prayers are also with you, dear one.

Zipperhead said...

Hi BHG. Yes, I was supposed to be. There were scheduling problems so we're redoing it. I'm a little relieved, hoping that this bit of warning will bring cost down. Less than a week's notice for flights left the prices just brutal. The surgeon is lecturing around the country for November so I guess it'll be December. I'll know more this week.


Anonymous said...

Aww, Hope you're feeling better. I know all about the brainstem stuff. It's so hard to put the feeling into words. Yucky?...debilitated?...weak?..wobbly? Maybe all of them. My heart arrhytmias have become more frequent and have changed. I see the a cardiologist again on Friday. I can make it act up by postioning my head funny. No wonder I'm so hesitant to move it much. I'm continuing prayers for healing for you.

love and hugs,


By His Grace said...

Caroline, thanks! I was talking to Zh on email and said that a person can handle the pain, "Oh, today my head and neck hurt..." and it's awful and yet...when it starts affecting your autonomous systems...well, there are many out there who experience much more than I do, but I can say that it IS scary and disheartening...and it "gits yer attention!"

My prayers are with all my friends...hey, Cleo, how are ya?

Caroline, let me know how it goes with the cardio on Friday, k? Interesting how you can affect your heart rate by your head/neck position. That ought to HIS attention, I hope so anyway.

God bless all

By His Grace said...

Correction: in my last comment here, I wrote autonomous, and I meant "autonomic"...BIG difference!


Cleo said...

I understand the positioning thing. My fusion is L3 to S1. I have some strange things that happen in my right leg and if I put my back in nuetral it will reduce or go away. If I lean at all to the front, back or sides it increases. Go figure!

This is very minor compared to some of you out there.

My prayers are with all of you.

Hope today is a better day compared to the day you posted the original. Hang in there. You are very important to many of us.

Love ya kiddo!